Why is everyone obsessed with inline skating?Inline
skating is the most awesome sport in the entire world. The most athletic, super
elite people participate in inline skating. Inline skating is THE most popular
recreational sport in recorded history, and is also used as the number one means
of transportation in countries like China. Basically, anyone who doesn't like
skating is a psycho and needs to take some psycho pills. |
How did inline skating start?About
5,000 years ago, super elite tribal warriors would attach tiny stone wheels to
their sandals so they could hunt animals faster. Later, when people migrated to
cold places, they used metal blades on their sandals instead, to get around icy
spots without falling. That's how ice skating -- which is an offshoot of inline
skating -- got started. |
I see a lot of guys skating extremely fast through
traffic. Why is that?Most guys who skate are super awesome elite athletes.
That means they get hounded by women all the time. If a skater guy is waiting
at a stoplight or something, a crowd of women usually develops around him. Usually
they all try to shove phone numbers down his shorts or do other blatantly suggestive
things. This tends to get annoying after the first 100 times, so most skater guys
learn to skate very fast to get away from crowds of women. |
I notice there are a
lot of women who inline skate -- in fact much more so than other major recreational
sports such as shooting pool and bowling. Why is that?When
most women see a skater guy waiting at a stoplight or something, they go totally
crazy and try to get him. Usually, the skater guy quickly skates away, since he
probably has way too many groupies already. These women realize that they will
never be able to catch a skater guy on foot, and they decide to take up skating.
That way, the next time they see a totally amazing skater guy they will be able
to strap on a pair of skates and catch him. Ask any woman who skates, 99% of them
will tell you this is the reason why they started. |
I've seen you skating
and you're completely awesome, as well as totally amazing. It should be obvious
to anyone with a second grade education that you must possess super powers to
do all of the super elite things you do. That
is not a question, but it is 100% true. |
Hey, like, I know you
probably get asked this all the time and stuff, and you probably have like thousands
of them already, but I was wondering anyway, how can I become one of your groupies?The
requirements are that you must be a female who is alive. If you send a photo of
yourself doing the Totally
Amazing hand symbol, your photo will be put in the groupies
section. |
Hey, dude. I was in
a bar with my girlfriend and we overheard some guys talking. They were saying
inline skating was dying out. I beat them up just to be on the safe side, but
were they telling the truth? Those dudes you
beat up were probably drunk out of their minds to say something weird and crazy
like that. It should be obvious to anyone who is able to pass a third-grade math
test that skating is more popular than ever. |
Yo man, what the fuck
is up with the motherfucking po-lice tryin' to make it harder to skate and shit
like that? Enough is enough. I have had it with these motherfucking laws in this
motherfucking city. Everybody strap in -- I'm about to open some fucking windows.
You tell those motherfucking motherfuckers! |
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